


Conversations with the Bishop

by Kay (sincere)



Category: Gensou Suikogaiden, Suikoden III
Genre: Banter, Celibacy, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 03:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincere/pseuds/Kay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every night that Nash is in Crystal Valley, he stays up late talking to Sasarai. He thinks that he knows what Sasarai wants, but he's slightly off the mark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations with the Bishop

**Author's Note:**

> For the areyougame@DW prompt: Nash/Sasarai: celibacy - "Instead of your body, keep me company with your words."

Nash had never been a religious man, but he had always been perceptive. It was also, perhaps, a testament to how jaded he had become that he felt the need to dissect and second-guess the boy who had offered to help him achieve his own goals in exchange for his services. In a way, being able to read Sasarai's motives was important to him because it meant that he was a step ahead when it finally came down to the truth.

He made it a policy to always try to be a step ahead.

So when Sasarai insisted that Nash attend a church function with him, and when Sasarai bent to give him benediction as he knelt in false piety, and when he kissed him on the forehead and Nash recognized in an instant that Sasarai's touch, his lips, lingered longer than they had to; Nash thought, _Aha._

Nash gave it some thought. There were definitely worse ways to pay back a debt, really. He was a healthy young man and he enjoyed sex; he wasn't hung up on any desire for commitment or romance. Sasarai was... young, but only in appearance, and not so young as to be truly off-putting. He was certainly pretty enough. Priests were forbidden from sexual congress, but that had never stopped anyone, and he would hardly be taking advantage of Nash as a willing participant.

All in all, a painless, fun, and maybe even profitable way to "serve".

But Sasarai never did anything inappropriate.

Maybe he wanted to be chased. Maybe he was being cautious so no one could accuse him of impropriety. Maybe he expected Nash to notice, and then to act on it. It would have been easy to look the other way instead and let it slip between the cracks. But he found he rather liked the idea.

So one night, as Sasarai was starting to settle in with a cup of tea to wrap up his work; a time of night when he liked to chat for a while before sending Nash away; Nash asked him, "Can I be frank with you?"

"If you're sure you want the answers," Sasarai responded with a smile.

He did _like_ Sasarai. Another reason he didn't mind the idea, and was willing to bring it up.

Nash leaned back in the chair he'd grown accustomed to. "You're attracted to me, aren't you?"

"Has Crystal Valley run out of women for you to use your lines on?" Sasarai returned, lifting his eyebrows and fingers curling around his cup. At the very least, Nash had his attention now.

"I have _much_ better lines," he assured the priest with an easy grin. "But did I neglect to mention that I do, in fact, want the answers?"

Sasarai's fingertips tapped idly against the porcelain of his cup, and then he said, "I am."

"Should we do something about that?"

His directness seemed to amuse Sasarai. "Are these the lines you were saying were so much better just a moment ago? I do admit they're quite intriguing, but..."

"I'll leave right now if you say the word, Your Grace," he said innocently. It wasn't the sort of thing he would say to just anyone -- on the contrary, he could well imagine most objects of his interest responding to such an overture with by slapping him or by fleeing from him. He was normally _slightly_ more subtle.

The brunet paused, thoughtful, his gaze sliding to the side and his fingers still restless against the cup. "I would like for you to stay," he said at length.

Perfect. Nash smiled to himself, leaning back in his seat and draining his own glass, filled with something a bit more potent than tea.

Sasarai lifted a finger, forestalling his triumphant moment. "But that isn't to say anything will _happen_."

"Beg your pardon?" Nash asked, thrown for a loop but keeping his tone mild.

"I'm a bishop, Nash. It is against the rules for a bishop to have carnal relations."

"That's a technicality," Nash pointed out. "The rules are broken all the time. _Especially_ that one. Even for an ordinary priest they'd probably administer a slap on the wrist at worst, and for Holy Hikusaak's protege--"

"This isn't up for discussion," Sasarai said, mild but utterly unyielding. "I need the rules."

Curiouser and curiouser. Nash was disappointed, certainly, but in spite of himself he was also intrigued. What was it that made Sasarai so desperate to adhere to an archaic, barely-observed rule like celibacy? If not sex, what did Sasarai want him to stay for, why even admit to being attracted to him? Had Nash misunderstood the invitation?

"In that case, what do we do?" he prompted.

"We talk," Sasarai answered simply.

"Talk?" Nash lifted his eyebrows. That was original, at least. A little less fun and a little more ordinary than he'd been hoping for. He'd thought he had everything figured out, and that being stuck on a perpetual first date -- all small talk, no action -- was not what either of them wanted. "That's what we've been doing for months."

"I know." Sasarai smiled again, fleeting. "What made you think I wasn't satisfied with that?"

Nash couldn't think of anything to say for a heartbeat, and then he laughed. "Well-- The fact that you _wanted_ me, and the assumption that _nobody_ is satisfied with just talking."

It was happening, right here, in front of him, _to_ him, but he still found it hard to believe that anyone would turn down attention from someone they were attracted to in favor of more casual, daily chitchat. It wasn't that Sasarai was turning him down, just that this was already what he wanted. It was completely mysterious.

The priest closed his eyes. "I like listening to you talk," he said, and set down his tea. "Every night that we're both in Crystal Valley we have these conversations. I enjoy them, but I really just like to listen. I could listen to you talk for hours on end. Your presence and your voice and your personality and your reactions surround me. There's nothing unsatisfying about that. Isn't that exactly what anyone wants out of their intimate relationships?"

Nash paused again for a moment, and then he pointed at Sasarai. "You," he pronounced, "have been having sex with me in your head the whole time I've known you."

Sasarai _laughed_ , throwing back his head and light tenor voice pealing through his otherwise empty chambers. Nash settled down again, smiling to himself, inordinately pleased. He'd never heard Sasarai laugh like that before. It explained why Sasarai had been so content all this time, and Nash had to admit there was _something_ to what he'd said -- there was a certain amount of satisfaction inherent in just talking to, just enjoying the presence of, a person you were interested in.

Then the younger man got to his feet and beckoned Nash. "Come," he said. "Keep me company."

It wasn't what he'd been hoping for, he thought, as he slid into Sasarai's far-too-large bed, with the far-too-comfortable sheets, and settled in to just lie there on his back and tell stories while Sasarai watched him from the other side of the mattress. He told himself that Sasarai wasn't expecting _him_ to be celibate, that this was hardly a commitment to a monogamous yet sexless relationship; that he wouldn't abstain if asked and would consider himself open to other things as they came along. Someday Sasarai would start to bore him, or his obligation would be up, and he wouldn't bother to humor him any longer.

Nash wondered what it said about him that he remained in Sasarai's service long after his debt had been repaid.


End file.
